Solomon's Wisdom

Solomon was 12 years old when he became King after David's passing. We read in 1 Kings 3:5-15 the Lord came to him and told him He would grant him anything. Solomon asked for wisdom to lead God's people. At 12 years old. How many of us would have or are asking for these types of things now? Let alone at 12?

I have been reading the Bible from cover to cover this past year. During this time, I have read and been reminded of the full story behind so many popular scriptures we all have memorized. I have always loved the context of scriptures and it is good to read the context of the chapter and book! This being said, my reading yesterday brought me to:
Luke 11:9-10: “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

We all know the scripture, but it was the rest of Luke 11 that reminded me WHY the door is opened. It is not because we keep asking or because we even ask in the first place. But it is because of the good Lord having compassion:

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:11-14)

Here's the deal, since the first time I read of Solomon's story, I began asking for wisdom. Since then, the Spirit has certainly helped me discern, it has helped me distinguish right and wrong, it has shown me insight. But to what avail is wisdom if we do not share? I do not have a country to lead, I do not have a podium or a tree stump. I have this blog, I have family and friends. I have shared the times God has opened my heart and given me metaphors. I have shared because if it helps me, it could help others.

But I have been sinning lately. I have held onto some enlightments and not shared.

Matt Chandler is currently doing a sermon series in which he has listed the main two sin hurdles for men and women.

Men: passivity and selfish aggression

Women: comparison/competition and perfectionism

(Watch the sermons here: http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/ )

In my selfish desire to write the PERFECT blog with correct punctuation, formatting and hey why not pictures?, I have delayed sharing wisdom given to you. Sure, I am not saying it is a matter of life or death or that it is earth shattering wisdom, but I cannot count how many thoughts and drafts I have started but not completed simply because it is not perfect yet. Will it ever be perfect, though?

Probably not. Not by my will alone. Perfection can only be attained through Christ's work on the cross, because He is perfect. A thought from the sermon: how can you ever be at peace if everything has to be perfect? STOP carrying the burden of perfection.

This is my apology and committment to share more openly and with less of an attitude of needing to be perfect. If He is speaking through me, the ears He has opened will hear it as it is intended; I could never perfectly articulate everything for everyone (mainly due to my run-on sentences :P).

So back to Solomon and the excerpt from Luke I leave you with the question, what gifts are you asking for and why? Why aren't we asking for more gifts of the Spirit? Wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, prophecy, discernment, speaking in tongue, interpretation of tongues.

Continually growing & learning,
Rachel

Hauling Around Expired Condiments

This week I threw away our last bottle of Olive Garden Salad Dressing (expiration date 2013) and Parmesan cheese (expiration date Aug 2014). Before you are concerned for our health, no we haven't used either since, well, 2012 most likely. These bottles were sitting on the bottom shelf of our fridge door, and I only noticed them because Roc' took it upon himself to lick the cheese container (gross).

It was then when I realized, how many times has the fridge been stocked full and we've rearranged to squeeze in the last bit food? So many times we could have better used the space being held captive by these expired, toxic (read: full of allergens) items! It's as though I got used to them being there that I never truly SAW them. One just expects those items to hang out in the fridge, ya know? I think it was earlier this year when I went through all of the condiments and realized they were expired, too, because we just don't use them since going allergy-free. (side note: WHY did I miss these 2 condiments the first time around? Did I really just miss them, or did I not want to part with them yet, like maybe I'd actually use them in the future?!)

Where am I going?

How much crap do we all carry around in our lives because we just expect it to be there and don't truly notice it anymore? Like condiments in a fridge (mayo, mustard, ranch dressing), we just expect to see them and get used to their presence, whether or not we actively engage them. Negative thoughts about ourselves or others have taken occupancy and rob us of filling that space with healthy, positive thoughts. We haul around critics and harmful relationships, carry others' burdens and stresses, self-doubts and worries about our futures; there are mistakes, failures, times of shame or embarrassment, others' judgement of us (or maybe our own judgments of others) we just can't shake. We fill our life fridge with junk, expired junk. And times have changed but we hold onto these views, because they are comforting? Because we are just used to them being there? Because we know they hurt to confront them, so we've stopped looking at that part of our life.

It's time. It's time to confront these negative attitudes, thoughts, relationships. Purge or change them. Make room for happiness, new memories, and love. Take a look in the mirror and see the masterpiece, a masterpiece without expired, toxins. YOU.

Also, consider this a PSA to check all expiration dates on your condiments, especially the ones you don't currently use...

-RR

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

- Ephesians 2:1-10 NIV

By Faith...

Sometimes when I am running with my 80lb black lab, we approach a foreign object: a fire hydrant, an electrical box, a plastic flag for marking power lines, etc. These extremely dangerous objects cause Ol' Roc' to slow down his pace and stick suuuuper close by my side. By the time we actually pass these objects, he is at a slow walk hiding behind me with his head down and ears back. Watch out ladies and gents, he's a ferocious one!  The next time we run by this object he only slightly slows down, and the times after that, he is not even phased. In our most common route, he has no fear when approaching these objects, but will occasionally return to his cautious stance on routes we rarely take (it's like he forgets we've conquered that feat).

Roc' trusts me to not lead him to danger and that I will protect him. Eventually, he either knows to not fear the situation, or he has full confidence being by my side. (It's hard to tell which since he is a dog and I cannot ask him, but since he no longer hides behind me I can assume one of these explanations).

I couldn't help but see the resemblance in how we should be in our walk with God when approaching difficult times. We see a difficult situation ahead and we cling to God's word and promises. Our prayer life is off the charts during the obstacle when we just hope we can make it out alive. The next few times we find ourselves in similar scenarios, we slow our pace and cling to God, but with less doubt. We can trust in Him based on previous experiences where He has led us through "the valley of shadow and death".

This year I had a New Year's goal to strengthen my faith, as I think that should be a valid goal for everyone. I had no ides how to do this though. How does one strengthen faith? I can't do it at the gym, I can't order it online, I can't even just absorb it at church. Truth is even if I read the Bible, study His words, listen to people's testimonies and spend more time in prayer, I can't necessarily just build faith. (Hey maybe some people can but honestly, I'm a learn-by-doing kind of person.) In fact, I don't think it has to do with ANYTHING I can personally do.

Faith is described In Hebrews 11:
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

I have just recently began to appreciate fully the rest of the chapter, too, that explains how it is "By Faith" many believers trusted in God's promises. They had confidence in Him, even before they knew the immediate outcome or even though they wouldn't see all of His promises fulfilled. They knew enough about Him that in times of struggle, they relied on Him. They had more faith than doubt.

This year my father had back surgery. Which on the skin is ironic since he is a chiropractor (in fact chiropractic is what helped postone this surgery by a decade or so, but that's another story). Anywho, the thought of surgery was odd, as we were raised a natural lifestyle and back surgery almost seemed taboo, like he was giving into the thought of just 'doing what was easier'. I felt like my father having this surgery was a direct stab to his own teachings; he was a traitor!

During this time I searched myself and realized I was in no means the victim (bad selfish Rachel). This was a serious matter that was postponed as long as possible and lessened due to chiropractic, but yes, modern medicine was developed for times exactly like this-necessary operations to alleviate pain. (Fyi he had a disc removed that was putting pressure on nerves; he was slowly losing feeling in his legs.)

So instead of worrying, I put all effort into praying; into giving my fears to God. Prayers for healing, direction, comfort. Praying because that was better than stressing more.

And then it hit me while on a run with Roc', actually. That same run I previously described. There are times when events in our life just don't seem fair, they are difficult and we really would prefer them not happening. They scare us, and during those times when life doesn't make sense, all we can do is slow down, cling onto our Faith in God and make it through the times.

I might never fully understand why this had to occur. 

It did, however:
1. Reinforce the belief that yes, healings can occur multiple ways.
2. Remind me of my own experience and how the Lord taught me so much through it about situations we don't understand.
3. Strengthen my faith for the above reason. Everytime we are put in a difficult situation, choosing to lay down our doubts and stresses and just trust in God is an opportunity to strengthen our faith.
Teachings, readings, experiences all were backup for my acknowledge of His superiority of the matter. During those arduous times, it's okay to slow down your pace in life and cling on. The more often these times occur, the easier it is to not be as scared and have confidence in the unseen.

What's that story about footprints in the sand?

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

-RR

180 Degree Change

J   U   N   E

June is my sentimental month.

I have much to say about June. So many things come to mind: my wedding anniversary, our pup's birthday, my high school graduation anniversary and the anniversary of my diagnosis of & surgery for Crohn's disease. 

Each June I reflect on the latter event as a new aspect is revealed to me. Every year God shows me just a little bit more of his plan in my life, and every year I'm just a bit more grateful for my journey that has brought me here.

This past year I've seen the greatest direction in my journey. I wasn't quite sure why some things happened to me, but I accepted it, and I've shared my story with any and everyone. I wasn't quite sure why my younger brother had so many allergies, but when we discovered all of my husband's allergies, I thought it made a little more sense. What I've learned in the past year has completely shaken anything I thought I knew about my life before. It's funny, how one event in your life can just change as the years go on. How much I can learn from a 10 day hospital stay. My original memoirs are located here in which case you will read about my struggles and miraculous healing. Every time I read these words, I am filled again with hope, love, and thanksgiving to a merciful, omnipotent Savior. The truth is, my Crohn's journey and my Faith are so heavily intertwined, I cannot share one without the other.

In 2012 I reflected on the things I had learned since my surgery. That was my 4 year anniversary, and I thought I had learned it all. I thought God had revealed most of the reasons. I was wrong.

6 years ago today I was in a hospital bed recovering from surgery. 

5 years ago I was participating in Fish Camp where I met my husband 

2 years ago I was a newly wed, ecstatic to cook for my new husband, months later only to learn of his food allergies that was a catalyst for our health journey

8 months ago I learned the true meaning of the scripture "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1


6 years ago, on my hospital bed the day before the surgery, I accepted a healing. In the following days in my talking with my Lord, I accepted a full healing and promise I would never have the pain again. As I've mentioned before, my scar is my rainbow. A little physical reminder to me of my promise from God. I had no idea how or why, but I had Faith in God's healing. I had Faith in a pain free life. As coached by my grandfather, a man of many healings, I cast out all doubt and clung to that promise, having Faith when others had doubts.

For 5 and a half years I held onto that promise.

This year, after we'd adjusted to a gluten-free, semi-paleo lifestyle, I stumbled across a resource from The Paleo Mom. What I learned was there were people with autoimmune diseases, specifically Crohn's, in remission from their disease, largely in part to their food choices and diet, as well as their lifestyle. There were people living with Crohn's who felt better and had reduced inflammation in their intestines by limiting certain foods from their diet by following The Autoimmune Protocol.

The lightbulb. The ah-ha moment. The pot of gold at the end of my rainbow.

For so long I had no idea how, I just believed the Lord had delivered me. This year I learned, all of my husband's food allergies finally forced me to become paleo, gluten free, dairy free, egg free, peanut free and soy free. All of these are suggested in the Autoimmune Protocol (AIP for short).




I was basically almost following the AIP diet; that was no coincidence. For the past few years, I thought my younger brother coached me into knowing how to cook for my future husband.



Ironically, God has actually used my husband to finally force me into a strict paleo lifestyle, for my own health. I have additionally have given up all grains and nuts, and am proud to say I so paleo I could give Wilma Flintstone a run for her money-er...dinosaur?


So where am I going? I'm not done yet learning all God has intended for my life. I know there are more things that will come out of this. There is hope for my future.

  

In general, my life looks completely different now than it did 6 years ago. I realized that when I compiled this comparative picture; there was so much more than the physical "then and now"





There is a 180 degree change in my life. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, gramatically...


This photo just sums up the self-control, discipline and inner peace I have now found. I'm done just pushing through life; there is a purpose in all I do, witness and have happened to me. There is focus, determination and hope; there is a plan for my future larger than I can imagine and better than I deserve.
What I started as a fun side-by-side comparison of my life and current accomplishments forced me to think about a lot more than the surface differences. I know I have a long road ahead of me; there is much, much more for me to learn. But with my Faith in Christ, a soul mate equally accepting of & excited for OUR life adventures, and supportive friends & family, I know this road will not be hard. I might stumble, I might take a few steps forward & a few steps back, but I am on the right path.

   

As I read earlier today,

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." -Psalm 121


The inner peace, that's from the Lord.

~@Rachel_Unrefined

What if you woke up 10 years younger...?

I had a thought the other morning: what if you woke up & it was 10 years ago (year 2004 for clarification), BUT knowing everything you had learned and experienced in those 10 years? Would you do things differently? How differently? Besides saving the world, how would you change just your life?

My first few thoughts were health related: start paleo earlier, get allergy blood tested earlier, begin yoga earlier (esp during stressful high school tests I let get to me way too much). Of course this matters to me, because I truly believe a change of diet could have prevented me from losing 3 feet of my intestines.

Next: Focus less on stress & drama and more time with friends.

Also: learn skills and hobbies. College would have been so much better had I been a master chef or gardener or tailor! :p

All of these given where I currently stand in my relationship with the Lord and continuing to trust more in faith.

After I was done fantasizing about sewing pillowcases on weeknights at the age of 15, I realized it's never too late to "start over". What changes can I make now to make for a better me 10 years down the road? I sure could name a few. While I am glad to say some of the things I would change I am in fact changing now, I asked myself why stop there?

The Lord gave me that thought to fantasize my "could be better" life now, though knowing all past events led me to where I am now. If it weren't for my emotional breakdown at Fish Camp over my surgery/diagnosis that led me to want to become a fish camp counselor, how could I have ever met James? Has anyone else wondered how to have met your spouse if one pivotal moment never occurred, and for the sake of the game, you knew he/she was your soulmate? I concluded I would have had to stalk James at the REC in order to meet him.

So the question is, where do I want to go from here? What does 35 year old Rachel want to know how to do? Where does she want to volunteer her time? Who are her friends?

I love the perspective that comes from trying to envision life differently. I also love waking up every day to a clean slate and opportunity to grow! New Year's resolutions come once a year, and most people don't  keep them. Why not change your life...today? It is NEVER too late!

Philosophically yours,

RR

This is my Story, this is my Song

I originally wrote this note on Facebook on July 11, 2008, just a few days after leaving the hospital. I like to re-read it, often to remind myself of the smallest details that occurred that normally slip my mind. It is 5 years to the day of being admitted to the hospital, and I cannot even imagine the road I'd be on if it weren't for this experience. Prior to my hospital stay, I was a teenage girl, attempting to fit in with my peers, unsure where my future was, and stressed out because I couldn't do everything. I have since learned to trust fully in He that holds my life and have faith in His plan. My prayer for you, the reader, is to read my story with an open heart. 

This is a post explaining everything that went down in my 10 day hospital stay, read it if you want or were curious about why I was there. Enjoyyy

June 27th started out as a normal day, until I had my mother pick me up from hanging with Erin and Alicia and drive me home, where I stayed in bed all afternoon until about 9.40 when I had a 103 degree fever and stomach cramps like no other. I ended up in the emergency room and after getting a catscan, we learned I had Crohn's disease. To break it down: a portion of my intestines was inflamed and infected and my over active immune system was basically trying to kill myself. I then was 'admitted' to the hospital and began what became my 10-day hospital stay in room 314 in the H.E.B. Harris Methodist Hospital [[side note, there was no room 313, apparently the hospital didn’t have any room 13’s or floor 13]].

Originally, a colonoscopy was scheduled for Sunday morning, which was freakin’ sweet let me tell ya. But their plans changed after an episode of acute pain and high fever Saturday afternoon, and they moved the surgery to Sunday morning. The rest of Saturday afternoon was spent in agonizing pain, where I had to get help from my parents to get in and out of bed, anything involving ab work was not possible and I just couldn't do.

So surgery was scheduled Sunday, June 29th at 7:30 a.m. and I don’t really remember much about that day...until that evening after most the drugs wore off...and the next few days were filled with fun recovery and morphine. Every day was a fun adventure, seeing which nurse I had every day. Since their 12-hour shifts ran from 7am to 7 pm, I got this thrill twice a day! I was woken up many times each night by the pcts to check my temperature, blood pressure and heart rate. Surprisingly, my heart rate was 'too low' when they would wake me up from my sleep to take it, go figure... I had an IV every day I was there, but the hand/arm switched about every 2 days because they were giving me so much by IV, it would overwhelm my veins. In fact, once it began seeping into my arm not my vein, which was fun and painful experience. I actually named my IV stand Edward, I figured since he went everywhere with me, he deserved a name.  Edward got moody though and beeped whenever the antibiotics or other liquids going into my IV were close to out. So if I wasn't waking up from the pcts taking blood pressure or someone from the lab taking blood, it was Edward beeping rather loudly, not to mention if I had to use the restroom...Going into the hospital I had a huge fear of needles, crazy how that went away after a shot in the stomach every morning and drawing blood at 4:30a.m. and switching IV's about every other day changes things... 

After surgery, getting out of my bed began as a hard enough experience, let alone walking.  But one of the most rewarding times was being able to get out and into bed by myself. I couldn't move or do anything that consists of much ab work, so I had to re-teach myself how to move and get up or down using my arms and legs more than my abs. This movement, along with walking, was something I took for granted before the surgery. The joy of being able to walk my circular hall at a speed my grandmother could beat really can't be put into words.

On about Wednesday [[I think, all of the days run together really]], I had to get two blood transfusions. Apparently my hemoglobin count was down to a 7...where a normal person's was around 14. Basically, I was anemic.

I couldn't eat anything before the surgery, so my last meal was noon on Friday until a popsicle on either Wednesday or Thursday. Until then I survived on ice chips. [[3 days after leaving the hospital, after being able to eat normally for 3 days, I weighed in at about 15 pounds lighter than I was pre-surgery]] Luckily I surpassed hunger and didn't feel my body starving. But don’t worry, they were pumping me full of good nutrients to keep me alive via my IV. On Thursday or Friday, I began my 'liquid diet' which basically consisted of all the jello, cranberry or apple juice and chicken broth I wanted! Whoohoo!

I watched TV & movies, colored, thought, texted, prayed and slept to pass time. But let me tell ya, those 10 days were the lamest days I’ve ever experienced; just sitting in my hospital bed, losing weight and muscle tone, and probably brain cells.  The highlight of my days was when I had visitors. People from the outside, bringing cheer and laughter into my room; definitely sunshine on a rainy day... I owe a lot to my Aunt Karen, who spent so much time pampering me with pedicures, hair washings, and laughter; spending time with me; time away from her husband who is recovering from stomach and lung cancer. A full healing we will continue to believe in.

At this time I would like to thank everyone who came up to see me, texted, messaged, called, prayed and kept me in your thoughts. Thanks for everyone who visited with me after I returned home and showed concern. It meant and means so much to me to have everyone there for me. I love y'all so much!! I would like to report that I have been able to eat. I can eat beef, sweets, milk products, and things I haven't been able to eat in months without any pain. I’ve been healed and fixed! 

And I would now like to talk about how God works in mysterious ways. If this experience has done anything, it has surely strengthened my faith in my Lord and Savior. Everything about this condition has worked in perfect timing for his plan for my life.

My excruciating pain didn't start until a Friday, in which my doctor's office was closed, so my parents took me to the E.R. instead [[which just happened to be empty so I was seen to immediately]]. Otherwise a doctor would have diagnosed my condition incorrectly as he would not have the same ability as the hospital. The doctor at the E.R. was able to diagnose my condition quickly as his two children also had Crohn’s disease, which was really just a working of God for me to have had that doctor. Furthermore, this surgery couldn't have happened at a better time. If it happened during the school year I would have missed school; my classes, my GPA, Marquettes, senior year activities, anything and everything would have been affected. Instead, I was able to graduate after having an amazing senior year. I was able to celebrate 2 of my grandparents' 80th birthdays just days before going into the E.R., and getting out I was able to celebrate my Aunt Karen’s birthday and will be able to celebrate my little brother’s birthday. If this episode would have happened later, I would have fallen behind in my semester studies at A&M and I can't even imagine having this surgery 4 hours away from home in a hospital with doctors nobody knows [[the thing about staying in the hospital in Bedford is that my Aunt Karen works there and has for a long time and knew the best doctors and nurses and I was treated very nicely and efficiently]].

The largest healing miracle came in form of the catscan and the day that followed actually. Originally the catscan revealed a very large section to be removed in surgery. The Saturday before surgery, when we met with the surgeon, I was told he was going to have to remove a combined ten feet plus of my intestines, that which appeared inflamed and infected in the scan. The night before the surgery I went without a pain for twelve hours. Specifically, from late afternoon when Pastor Kyle and Jordan visited and we all prayed, laid hands and I accepted God's healing in my life, maybe around 5 p.m., to the actual surgery, I experienced no pain. Additionally, I didn't have a single pain killer in that time. The night before surgery I slept without pain, something which hadn’t happened in a year and 2 and a half months. I was jumping in and out of bed, something unusual for the amount of pain I was in the night before and that morning; seeing how all day Saturday people had to literally pull me and push me to move me out of bed. It was then that I knew I was healed.  That whole night I felt Jesus's presence in my hospital room, specifically holding my hand through the night.  This night was the most frightening night for me to ever experience. The night before I, Rachel Faith Armentrout, went into surgery.  I have never experienced surgery, and in fact, the only time I remember going to the doctor’s office was when I had strep sophomore year.  But I knew God had healed me of any further infection and I couldn't and can't thank everyone enough for praying as hard as they did. There was once in the night when I awoke in a sweat, but with no fever or pain. Later that week, we heard from some people that God woke them in the night to pray for me, all at 1 a.m., which was when I awoke. I thank God for everything he has done for me in this experience, for when I went to surgery, the surgeons removed the bare minimum of only 3 feet of my intestines, and that all the other problems the catscan had shown in my intestines were gone. Additionally, they removed my appendix, which was reported near hardened and two cists on my ovary. I had 11 external staples and have stitches, and according to the doctor, a whole lot more on the inside. But that’s a whole lot less than the surgeon anticipated the day before.

My mother stayed the night in the hospital room for the two nights prior and after the surgery. However, Tuesday night after my surgery, she decided to sleep at home. I don't blame her; the pullout couch couldn't possibly be comfortable. Waking up in the middle of the night in a dark hospital room had to be one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced. In the middle of the night, all alone, the room was so empty, lonely, and frightening. I don’t know if it was my fear amplifying the sound of the air conditioning, or if it was the devil himself storming outside my window, but I could have sworn there was a horrible rain storm that night [[which the next day my parents assured me there was definitely no storm that night]]. But at that time, I called out to my Lord and in the shadows of the room I saw Jesus. Maybe you think the pain killers went to my head, but the peace and tranquility that encompassed my body and soothed me back to sleep convinced me otherwise. For the rest of my stay, I did not find that room scary, because I knew Jesus was by my side, the entire time.

If you do not believe in miracles or in God's healings, I wish I could fully share everything I have felt with you to prove to you otherwise. To me, this experience was a strengthening of faith, as Jesus has further proved his love and power to me. I’ve never felt so carefree or pain free than how I felt going into this major surgery, knowing that God had his hand over me the whole time. If you are questioning God right now in your life, to really see if he's there, I wish my experience could be enough proof of an omnipotent and merciful God. 

If I could, I believe I would relive this experience. I really did see God and it fully solidified my beliefs in him. I wish it didn't have to take a $5k surgery and 10 day hospital stay to do so, but am so grateful it did. The most important thing I learned was that sometimes God works in ways we just don’t and can’t understand.  You can be in a situation where you've been questioning God for a long time, maybe longer than a year and two and half months. In that time you can be upset, mad, depressed, looking anywhere for answers, but maybe it’s not time yet for an obvious answer. Whatever your case, trust fully in the Lord and he will direct your ways to align to his perfect plan in your life. He will protect you, and if you stay with him, everything will turn out exactly how it should. I was always the child wanting to see God, wanting proof of his existence by being able to walk on water, or seeing a bruise instantly disappear. I have no doubt that this whole experience of God healing me of Crohn’s disease and guiding me through a minimal pain free healing was part of his plan to reveal himself to me. Sometimes our human knowledge can't understand the way God works, but that’s ok, because it's not for us to worry about.

If you have read my memoirs this far, I hope you get something out of it. Maybe you think I’m just crazy. Maybe you just think I’m a Jesus freak. If that’s the case, then bring on the label because I’m not denying it.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008, the day after being discharged from the hospital, I received a call from my grandfather, who just returned home as well [[he broke his hip just last month and was in rehab until this day]].  He shared this verse with me, and said he was praying it over me the entire time I was in the hospital. [[Funny how we were praying for each other, while we both were in a hospital/rehab center.]]  I wanted to share this with everyone else:

"For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not; I will help thee." -Isaiah 41:13

And finally, the verses that have gotten me through life since the 7th grade:

"Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air; for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?...take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." -Matthew 6:25-26, 34

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

And with that, I’d like to close my memoir with a deserving: Thank you Jesus. Amen.