~RR
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Our New Love
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Reflecting on My Post Surgery Life
For the past ten days (between the 4 year anniversary of the my entering the hospital and leaving the hospital), I couldn't help but relive those days, contemplating all I have learned since my stay. I have pondered all the events that piece together the road I took that has led me to where I am now. After re-reading my journal entry from 4 years ago, I realized how some of the small details I had left out, made the largest impacts in my life.
Fish Camp:
In my journal entry, I failed to take note of a very small detail, only because I did not realize its importance at the time: The doctor in the ER who diagnosed me with Crohn's (because he had a son with colitis and a daughter with Crohn's who underwent my same surgery) asked his daughter if she would visit me in the hospital, because she was also an Aggie. Following the surgery, after the extreme morphine days when I can actually recall who visited me, this girl came and talked to me. She talked about her life post-surgery (probably one of the calming conversations at the time-to know other people had this operation and were doing fine). She discussed her ability to eat 'good' foods again (ice cream and pizza!). But most importantly, she mentioned how she was a Fish Camp Counselor, and she told me I HAD to go to Fish Camp because it'll be a lot of fun and the 'Ice Berry Blue' was to die for. [I later found out this was a drink in the cafeteria at the camp; anyone who has gone to Fish Camp will most likely be able to share about its wondrous tastes. In my experience, counselors and freshmen returned from camp with Nalgenes filled with this stuff]. Her willing to share with me, a random girl in her dad's hospital, was truly the first experience I had with the Aggie Family and my first glimpse of Fish Camp. When I left the hospital, I was told I needed to stay at home, rest and recover for 6 weeks. And on the 7th week, I went to the Fish Camp I had registered for months before. I enjoyed the Fish Camp experience so much as a freshman, thanks to my wonderful Camp, DG, Counselors, and friends I made from Fish Camp, not to mention the first impression the doctor's daughter made on me, I applied for Counselor the following spring. In the Spring of 2009, I became a counselor for Fish Camp Olvera; little did I know God had much more in store for me than just being a counselor; this was the camp I met and became friends with James, my husband of almost a month. This small detail of my surgery story still amazes me and brings me to tears; how God can make one single event waterfall into so many blessings, all in His time and according to His schedule.
The Diet:
Before the surgery, while I was having intestinal issues, my diet consisted of plain bread, plain pasta, boiled vegetables, plain chicken or turkey, ground turkey, and butter and salt as the only "spices". The day before being admitted into the ER, I had eaten a can of olives, because I found that was about all I could eat. We now joke about the infamous can of black olives that set me over and sent me into the hospital; Black Olives are still my favorite foods. I had lost much weight my senior year of high school, and later I heard many people believed I had an eating disorder. When I left the hospital I weighed 100 pounds (for a 5foot6 girl, that's way too light). I often joke about my 'freshmen 30' that I gained during my first year of college; however, gaining back my weight and maintaining a consistent jean size has been THE best feeling. Knowing I can buy a pair of jeans and still fit into it in 3 months has been a great achievement since my surgery. Since I lack 3 feet of intestines, I must take Iron pills and eat foods high in Iron (since the large intestines is where Iron absorption occurs). I can't eat corn, popcorn, or large amounts of salads due to the high amount of fiber in the foods. I believe this compromise (with my intestines) is quite acceptable; although there are times when I truly miss corn-on-a-cob or a big dinner salad. I also have a new perspective on ridiculously skinny people; those individuals one would normally pick out of a crowd and ask one's friend, 'do you think he/she is anorexic?' After having health issues that led me to be extremely skinny/look borderline eating disorder, I can't help but stop myself from thinking along those lines and wonder if they are having health issues. God has opened my eyes to care for people in a way I hadn't before.
My Scar:
The surgery left a noticeable scar; an approximate 3 inch vertical scar under my belly button. Most of the time I can ignore the stares and glances from other people when I venture into public pools or beaches. All of the time I wish I could stop and share with every single person what that scar means to me. When I see the scar every day, what it reminds me of:
-The physical memories: pain before the surgery and all the times I spent throwing up due to eating food my stomach just couldn't digest, inability to eat normal foods, the inability to drink yellow Gatorade now after I had to consume so much of it for my CAT scan, watching 4th of July fireworks from my hospital room, how bad it hurt to sneeze for months after my surgery, the 'hand grenade' that was practically attached to me to soak up everything during the week after the surgery, how it took me almost 4 years to gain back my ab strength I had before since I could barely do crunches for a year following my surgery.
-The mental: knowledge I have acquired about intestinal diseases, learning how to reduce my stress and focus on a carefree life (I wish that could happen completely!), my learning about allergies and foods.
-The Angels in my life: the people and friends who have been there to help, to offer support, to ask questions and want to hear my story, the woman who walked into Jason's Deli one of the last days I worked before I went to college and was able to share her Crohn's story with me and my dad when I was getting off work, the scholarship donor who called a month after my surgery when he learned why I had missed the scholarship reception: he was also living with Crohn's and warned me of the pains of popcorn.
and most importantly:
-God's miraculous healing- falling asleep the night before the surgery feeling nothing but peace and feeling Jesus holding my hand during the night and through the surgery, telling my parents right before I left into the surgery that they won't find what they were looking for because God had healed me, hearing after the surgery that the doctors indeed did not find the 10 feet the CAT scan revealed needed to be removed, only a smaller portion (Humans only have 30 feet total of intestines, 10 feet and 3 feet are a huge difference).
There are days when I feel down, stressed, worried, etc., and on those days, my Lord only has to remind me of my scar, my memories, my experience, MY story. I immediately feel ashamed I have doubt in His ability to take care of me. I can't explain why this experience has happened to me; I believe some people, like myself, have miracles happen to them, some get to see them, and others just get to hear about them. My healing miracle didn't just happen for my own healing; every time I share my story, I am able to bring glory to Him who heals, who keeps His promises, who brings joy and peace. I feel compelled to share, for all of those people in my world who have not experienced a miracle [yet], so that they too may hear of God's greatness and faithfulness.
I was raised with an evangelical pentecostal foundation in church. My miraculous healing story only solidifies my belief in the baptism of the Holy Spirit, speaking and praying in tongues, laying on of hands, and of miracles. I have been in church Sunday School classes in college where a group discussion leads to opinions about these topics. I have heard that 'miracles don't happen now a days because they don't need to'; I have been told 'speaking in tongues was only for the church in Acts, because people don't need to hear it to believe' and 'speaking in tongues is only used to show to outsiders about the Holy Spirit'. At this point of the conversation, I share: I stand a healed woman, steadfast in my beliefs that actually Baptism in the Holy Spirit, speaking and praying in tongues and miraculous healing DOES occur in the 21st Century. I can share my story and my experience, but only those with open hearts seeking God can take in all that I say. These events DO happen now-a-days, I come from a church where they DID occur, I have a story where they all played a large role in my healing. It makes me sad to think Christians deny these gifts of the Spirit exist or NEED to exist, but I always ask, "Are you seeking them? Are you knocking on God's door for them? Are you steadfast in asking for them?" Who's to say this world does not need these gifts? I see a world full of pain, individuals searching for answers and peace, lost people desiring the wrong things to try to feel satisfied. This world needs God and all of His gifts of the Spirit. I need them.
My walk with the Lord since the surgery has led to changed attitudes, perspectives, friendships and my relationship with Him. He has led me to and away from people, places, and things. I have been humbled and acknowledge I am nothing without Him. He gave me Godly friends, a wonderful, fully scholarship funded college experience, an amazing degree, a job near home, a perfectly placed home next to Aggie neighbors who bring us to church, and a driven husband following my Lord. He has also taught me everything goes according to His plan, all in His time.
I sometimes find it hard to share every little detail of my stay; I find it hard to talk about my experience without forming tears of joy. I had wondered in high school what my testimony was; I thank God for it now. And all it takes is a quiet whisper from Him or glace at my scar to remind me of His love for me, and all mankind.
Fish Camp:
In my journal entry, I failed to take note of a very small detail, only because I did not realize its importance at the time: The doctor in the ER who diagnosed me with Crohn's (because he had a son with colitis and a daughter with Crohn's who underwent my same surgery) asked his daughter if she would visit me in the hospital, because she was also an Aggie. Following the surgery, after the extreme morphine days when I can actually recall who visited me, this girl came and talked to me. She talked about her life post-surgery (probably one of the calming conversations at the time-to know other people had this operation and were doing fine). She discussed her ability to eat 'good' foods again (ice cream and pizza!). But most importantly, she mentioned how she was a Fish Camp Counselor, and she told me I HAD to go to Fish Camp because it'll be a lot of fun and the 'Ice Berry Blue' was to die for. [I later found out this was a drink in the cafeteria at the camp; anyone who has gone to Fish Camp will most likely be able to share about its wondrous tastes. In my experience, counselors and freshmen returned from camp with Nalgenes filled with this stuff]. Her willing to share with me, a random girl in her dad's hospital, was truly the first experience I had with the Aggie Family and my first glimpse of Fish Camp. When I left the hospital, I was told I needed to stay at home, rest and recover for 6 weeks. And on the 7th week, I went to the Fish Camp I had registered for months before. I enjoyed the Fish Camp experience so much as a freshman, thanks to my wonderful Camp, DG, Counselors, and friends I made from Fish Camp, not to mention the first impression the doctor's daughter made on me, I applied for Counselor the following spring. In the Spring of 2009, I became a counselor for Fish Camp Olvera; little did I know God had much more in store for me than just being a counselor; this was the camp I met and became friends with James, my husband of almost a month. This small detail of my surgery story still amazes me and brings me to tears; how God can make one single event waterfall into so many blessings, all in His time and according to His schedule.
The Diet:
Before the surgery, while I was having intestinal issues, my diet consisted of plain bread, plain pasta, boiled vegetables, plain chicken or turkey, ground turkey, and butter and salt as the only "spices". The day before being admitted into the ER, I had eaten a can of olives, because I found that was about all I could eat. We now joke about the infamous can of black olives that set me over and sent me into the hospital; Black Olives are still my favorite foods. I had lost much weight my senior year of high school, and later I heard many people believed I had an eating disorder. When I left the hospital I weighed 100 pounds (for a 5foot6 girl, that's way too light). I often joke about my 'freshmen 30' that I gained during my first year of college; however, gaining back my weight and maintaining a consistent jean size has been THE best feeling. Knowing I can buy a pair of jeans and still fit into it in 3 months has been a great achievement since my surgery. Since I lack 3 feet of intestines, I must take Iron pills and eat foods high in Iron (since the large intestines is where Iron absorption occurs). I can't eat corn, popcorn, or large amounts of salads due to the high amount of fiber in the foods. I believe this compromise (with my intestines) is quite acceptable; although there are times when I truly miss corn-on-a-cob or a big dinner salad. I also have a new perspective on ridiculously skinny people; those individuals one would normally pick out of a crowd and ask one's friend, 'do you think he/she is anorexic?' After having health issues that led me to be extremely skinny/look borderline eating disorder, I can't help but stop myself from thinking along those lines and wonder if they are having health issues. God has opened my eyes to care for people in a way I hadn't before.
My Scar:
The surgery left a noticeable scar; an approximate 3 inch vertical scar under my belly button. Most of the time I can ignore the stares and glances from other people when I venture into public pools or beaches. All of the time I wish I could stop and share with every single person what that scar means to me. When I see the scar every day, what it reminds me of:
-The physical memories: pain before the surgery and all the times I spent throwing up due to eating food my stomach just couldn't digest, inability to eat normal foods, the inability to drink yellow Gatorade now after I had to consume so much of it for my CAT scan, watching 4th of July fireworks from my hospital room, how bad it hurt to sneeze for months after my surgery, the 'hand grenade' that was practically attached to me to soak up everything during the week after the surgery, how it took me almost 4 years to gain back my ab strength I had before since I could barely do crunches for a year following my surgery.
-The mental: knowledge I have acquired about intestinal diseases, learning how to reduce my stress and focus on a carefree life (I wish that could happen completely!), my learning about allergies and foods.
-The Angels in my life: the people and friends who have been there to help, to offer support, to ask questions and want to hear my story, the woman who walked into Jason's Deli one of the last days I worked before I went to college and was able to share her Crohn's story with me and my dad when I was getting off work, the scholarship donor who called a month after my surgery when he learned why I had missed the scholarship reception: he was also living with Crohn's and warned me of the pains of popcorn.
and most importantly:
-God's miraculous healing- falling asleep the night before the surgery feeling nothing but peace and feeling Jesus holding my hand during the night and through the surgery, telling my parents right before I left into the surgery that they won't find what they were looking for because God had healed me, hearing after the surgery that the doctors indeed did not find the 10 feet the CAT scan revealed needed to be removed, only a smaller portion (Humans only have 30 feet total of intestines, 10 feet and 3 feet are a huge difference).
There are days when I feel down, stressed, worried, etc., and on those days, my Lord only has to remind me of my scar, my memories, my experience, MY story. I immediately feel ashamed I have doubt in His ability to take care of me. I can't explain why this experience has happened to me; I believe some people, like myself, have miracles happen to them, some get to see them, and others just get to hear about them. My healing miracle didn't just happen for my own healing; every time I share my story, I am able to bring glory to Him who heals, who keeps His promises, who brings joy and peace. I feel compelled to share, for all of those people in my world who have not experienced a miracle [yet], so that they too may hear of God's greatness and faithfulness.
I was raised with an evangelical pentecostal foundation in church. My miraculous healing story only solidifies my belief in the baptism of the Holy Spirit, speaking and praying in tongues, laying on of hands, and of miracles. I have been in church Sunday School classes in college where a group discussion leads to opinions about these topics. I have heard that 'miracles don't happen now a days because they don't need to'; I have been told 'speaking in tongues was only for the church in Acts, because people don't need to hear it to believe' and 'speaking in tongues is only used to show to outsiders about the Holy Spirit'. At this point of the conversation, I share: I stand a healed woman, steadfast in my beliefs that actually Baptism in the Holy Spirit, speaking and praying in tongues and miraculous healing DOES occur in the 21st Century. I can share my story and my experience, but only those with open hearts seeking God can take in all that I say. These events DO happen now-a-days, I come from a church where they DID occur, I have a story where they all played a large role in my healing. It makes me sad to think Christians deny these gifts of the Spirit exist or NEED to exist, but I always ask, "Are you seeking them? Are you knocking on God's door for them? Are you steadfast in asking for them?" Who's to say this world does not need these gifts? I see a world full of pain, individuals searching for answers and peace, lost people desiring the wrong things to try to feel satisfied. This world needs God and all of His gifts of the Spirit. I need them.
My walk with the Lord since the surgery has led to changed attitudes, perspectives, friendships and my relationship with Him. He has led me to and away from people, places, and things. I have been humbled and acknowledge I am nothing without Him. He gave me Godly friends, a wonderful, fully scholarship funded college experience, an amazing degree, a job near home, a perfectly placed home next to Aggie neighbors who bring us to church, and a driven husband following my Lord. He has also taught me everything goes according to His plan, all in His time.
I sometimes find it hard to share every little detail of my stay; I find it hard to talk about my experience without forming tears of joy. I had wondered in high school what my testimony was; I thank God for it now. And all it takes is a quiet whisper from Him or glace at my scar to remind me of His love for me, and all mankind.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Support
Last fall, during one of my cross Texas road trips between College Station and Dallas, I spotted the most beautiful tree. Maybe this is my nerdy horticulture side coming out, but this tree looked to be the most perfect tree. It had a perfect shape, a good proportion of trunk to brush and was in the middle of a gorgeous field off the highway. However, it wasn't until I approached this tree that I actually realized this tree was comprised of at least three trees, growing close together.
I was initially bummed; what I thought was the perfect tree was really 3+ scrawny trees. Then the Lord revealed to me how each of those trees worked together to form perfection. One grew thin and tall and had all of its leaves in the upper canopy. One tree grew on the left side, another grew more towards the right. These trees would be incomplete on their own, but rather were a perfect fit together.
This realization came during a time when I was facing frustrations and thought I could handle everything on my own (surprise, surprise). Instead, I realized I needed the support from my friends and family; their expertise, advice and guidance for my hiccups in life. I wasn't alone in the game of life; rather, I had a handful of friends to help form a complete support group.
Up close we all have our issues, troubles, problems, inefficiencies and lack of knowledge. But when we combine our experiences, love and knowledge with others, we can help create the perfect form of friendship to help each other out during our times of need. Someone will be there for you when you need an answer, a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back or just need to rant.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Blessings,
RR
I was initially bummed; what I thought was the perfect tree was really 3+ scrawny trees. Then the Lord revealed to me how each of those trees worked together to form perfection. One grew thin and tall and had all of its leaves in the upper canopy. One tree grew on the left side, another grew more towards the right. These trees would be incomplete on their own, but rather were a perfect fit together.
This realization came during a time when I was facing frustrations and thought I could handle everything on my own (surprise, surprise). Instead, I realized I needed the support from my friends and family; their expertise, advice and guidance for my hiccups in life. I wasn't alone in the game of life; rather, I had a handful of friends to help form a complete support group.
Up close we all have our issues, troubles, problems, inefficiencies and lack of knowledge. But when we combine our experiences, love and knowledge with others, we can help create the perfect form of friendship to help each other out during our times of need. Someone will be there for you when you need an answer, a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back or just need to rant.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Blessings,
RR
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Learning to Delegate
About 3 weeks ago/mid May I reached a point of pure exhaustio . All I wanted to do was sleep all day, and the wedding to do list was oh so daunting. It was at this point (and maybe after suggesting eloping instead), that my fiancé took over for me. He contacted my friend who will be acting as wedding coordinator, my maid of honor, and took my list and helped me prioritize. I deligated tasks to my parents and recovered from this level of 'burnout'.
This being said, it was then that I realized I could have deligated earlier-so many people were waiting to help. I could lie and say I don't know why, but I am pretty positive my decision to try to do this a lone was mainly due to my pride, confidence in myself, doubt in others, fear of any end result I don't like, and of course, the desire to want to plan it all myself. Of course at this point I realized all will go well and if it doesn't, I probably won't remember! I am so grateful to have so many helpful friends and family wanting to share this "burden" with me.
(In church this past weekend, the pastor discussed briefly our "burden" we can share with others vs our own personal "load". One is meant to be shared to have help carry it, while the other the Lord has personally given us to handle. Or at least that's what I understood-thought it was a good perspective.)
So a few weeks ago when I finally felt relief from the stress and didn't feel bad about admitting to my friends I needed their help, the big guy upstairs spoke to me. You see, this isn't JUST a wedding planning control issue, it's a Rachel control issue. I've tried to do everything myself, and I don't stop to realize I don't have to carry the burdens of life/my stress/my fears by myself. Just like my good friends, my God is waiting for me to give Him tasks, my stress, my fears, my burdens. He's waiting with open arms for me to admit I cannot do it on my own and I need His help.
What a lovely realization/yet another one of those ah-ha/slap in my face moments. How many times do I need to wear myself out from stressing and stretching myself thin before I present my worries to the Lord? What a great realization this situation was!
3 days until the wedding! Hoping I will allow myself to relax and not play the host of this event I've planned (which is such a weird feeling).
Blessings to all,
Bride-to-be
Thursday, April 26, 2012
As Miranda Lambert said, "Forget your high society, I'm soakin' it in kerosene"
A weekend or so ago, my parents came over to help me with yardwork, as James was tending to the family ranch. Of the yardwork tasks, taking down a dead tree was high on the list, so my dad starting digging as mom and I planted flowers. The tree was a live oak, maybe 3 years old, and since we bought the house, the tree had died. We assumed it was affected by some disease. However, we noticed the grass at the base of the tree was dead, and there was a strong petroleum odor as my dad broke ground.
Could it really be? Was this a nice way to ask us to cut down that particular tree? (we have approx 15 trees onbour lot, 8 of which in the front yard. This particular tree was close to our and our neighbor's front door, so we planned on removing the tree prior to his death anyways).
"hi welcome to the neighborhood, I'm going to douse your tree and kill it so you must remove it?!?"
Any suggestions or advice? What on earth do we say? I hope more trees aren't killed in this manner! Normally I habe pretty good advice for people, but I completely lack wisdom for this situation. Previously I just used to ignore people; isn't it too early to start ignoring or holding a grudge against my neighbor?!
I had absolutely no idea the "hardships of home ownership" everyone warned about included dealing with odd neighbors; I thought people meant killing bugs and replacing appliances! Any suggestions?!
~Rachel
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Stopping to smell the Roses
Lately I have been way too caught up in wedding planning and house remodeling/decorating. Just the other day I realized how quickly March and April have gone by. Looking forward to the future, whether it's being married, having furniture, having a garden, having our friends back in DFW is actually addicting. I've been constantly focused and wishing it was the summer that I've let almost a third of 2012 fly by me. What could I have done instead of looking toward the future? Spend more time with friends and family here? Visited college friends more? Learned to play the piano, again?
My point is, I personally get ahead of myself by planning in my calendar, checkbook and to-do list. I spend so much time planning I forget to enjoy the present time. I've been this way for years: "once I'm in college... When I have an apartment...after I get a job...when I'm living in my own apartment...after I've graduated from college...when we have furniture...after The wedding... THEN I'll be able to do this/enjoy life/relax."
My goal for the rest of the year? Learn to slow down, stop and smell the roses. I only live this life once, I need to stop planning for the future and live in the now.
So, how do I add that in my to-do list? Should I schedule smelling the roses every Tuesday evening? How much will that cost me to buy roses? ;)
Constantly learning and looking towards Heaven for help in this life.
~Rachel
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Green Means Go Cautiously
One of the scariest moments of my life happened about two weeks ago. As I was approaching an intersection while driving, the light turned green, and I continued driving into the intersection. I had barely made it halfway through when a larger SUV barreled behind me, barely missing me, as the driver ran the red light. I am very fortunate God has provided me with exceptional guardian angels and that He has His hand around me, because that was too close of an encounter for me; I did NOT want to be t-boned that day (or any day really).
However, this incident got me thinking about how often we act on our own selfish or egocentric ambition, and we never realize the affect it could have on others. The driver who blazed through the red light (as I have mad it completely through that intersection on a yellow light coming from the same ways as that driver) was either not paying attention to the light change or chose to just make it through the light (maybe he/she was late for work?). Either way, the driver was solely thinking of him/herself and not about any other driver who could be driving according to the laws.
How often do we think "I can get away with this small thing because I want it or I should be able to do it"? The actions we take can affect innocent bystanders without them ever crossing our mind. In a world where we focus solely on ourselves and how our actions will affect us, we need to take a step back and realize who else we are affecting. This is not a controlled experiment where we are the only changing variable in this world. There is a myriad amount of extraneous variables in life, and all of those people are thinking about themselves and how they can get ahead in life.
I learned two lessons that day:
1. When driving, I have to take an extra step to make sure every one else is abiding by traffic laws solely for the purpose of my own safety. Has everyone stopped at a red light before I enter into the intersection? It doesn't matter who's at fault if you're dead.
2. I need to start thinking about other people more and how my actions affect them. When I try to cut the corner, am I causing someone else pain? frustration? danger? When I try to make it through on a yellow light will I hit someone who pops the clutch when the light turns green?
Just because we can, doesn't mean we should without taking proper caution. Look out for yourself AND others in ALL the actions you take!
~Rachel
However, this incident got me thinking about how often we act on our own selfish or egocentric ambition, and we never realize the affect it could have on others. The driver who blazed through the red light (as I have mad it completely through that intersection on a yellow light coming from the same ways as that driver) was either not paying attention to the light change or chose to just make it through the light (maybe he/she was late for work?). Either way, the driver was solely thinking of him/herself and not about any other driver who could be driving according to the laws.
How often do we think "I can get away with this small thing because I want it or I should be able to do it"? The actions we take can affect innocent bystanders without them ever crossing our mind. In a world where we focus solely on ourselves and how our actions will affect us, we need to take a step back and realize who else we are affecting. This is not a controlled experiment where we are the only changing variable in this world. There is a myriad amount of extraneous variables in life, and all of those people are thinking about themselves and how they can get ahead in life.
I learned two lessons that day:
1. When driving, I have to take an extra step to make sure every one else is abiding by traffic laws solely for the purpose of my own safety. Has everyone stopped at a red light before I enter into the intersection? It doesn't matter who's at fault if you're dead.
2. I need to start thinking about other people more and how my actions affect them. When I try to cut the corner, am I causing someone else pain? frustration? danger? When I try to make it through on a yellow light will I hit someone who pops the clutch when the light turns green?
Just because we can, doesn't mean we should without taking proper caution. Look out for yourself AND others in ALL the actions you take!
~Rachel
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