3 Types of Love

When James and I were going through pre-marriage counseling, my pastor gave us the workbook Before You Say "I Do". While this book was originally written in 1977, it was a great tool for us to learn more about each other and God's desires for our marriage (and the old pictures were a comical bonus!). One particular lesson really stuck out to me, as I discovered the lesson was about a topic I had realized before, but I was unaware of its Biblical references.  This lesson talked about the 3 Types of Love.

While a marriage should be based on love, our engagement was legitimately based on love, as James read 1 Corinthians 13 from the Bible to me as he proposed last summer. We acknowledge love is from God and what better way to learn love than from God's word?  The workbook had a chapter entitled 'Love as a Basis for Marriage' and in it, besides studying verses about love, we learned of the three Biblical forms of Love: Eros, Philia, and Agape. 

1. Eros: "a romantic love, sexual love."

2. Philia: "as in a friendship: companionship, communication and cooperation."

3. Agape: "self-giving love, gift love, the love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable; it's something you make happen; Agape is kindness; it is being sympathetic, thoughtful and sensitive to the needs of your loved one."

As the workbook discussed each type, James recalled a devotional video discussing these three types, in easy to understand language and examples entitled "Nooma Flame".

All of these types of love are necessary for a love that lasts forever, an eternal love. These three types create a fulfilling love and combine to create the strongest form of love. Without one type, the 'love' fails.

This description of love explains why certain relationships fail: 'friends with benefits' will not last as it misses the final commitment aspect; a love without romance fails as well as a love between individuals who cannot get along as friends. While these aspects seem to be perfect common sense, I'm surprised at just how many people I see attempting to create a love with only 2 of these 3 requirements.

I was reading last night from a book my cousins gifted us as a wedding gift, Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr. The author explains his findings of two kinds of love in marriage: romantic love, "the feeling of being in love-finding someone irresistible," and caring love, "a decision to try to do what you can to make someone happy-a willingness and effort to care for someone". I found his descriptions interesting and built upon the three Biblical descriptions of love.

I am grateful for the true love I have found with James, my soulmate, and I look forward to the rest of forever with him! Identifying the aspects of love will help us develop our love and be capable of working on an aspect that may become weak over the years.  Also being able to recognize these 3 parts of long-lasting love can help us help others. Realizing these types of love could be the saving grace for marriages world-wide.

~RR

"He is the love of my life, my constant companion, my partner, and my best friend..." -Cindi Griffith describing her late husband, Andy Griffith